Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
