I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
