At least make sure they are 18
Why
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
