would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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