Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Success! We fucked roommates!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
