i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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