i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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