You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
