My hand turned me down
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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