you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
