and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
