Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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