After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
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Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's blow job season.
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He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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