sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
