I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
