Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
