i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
