You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He better not be in your backpack
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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