you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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