obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
