I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
