Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
