Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
