I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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