make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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