did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
