i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
