Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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