I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
