I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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