At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
