when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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