You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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