my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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