My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
