im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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