It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
