I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
