good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
