whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
