YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
