Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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