Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
