He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I would ride that face into the sunset
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