I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
