I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
