Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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