Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
