apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
