i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
