how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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