watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
