How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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