I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
