I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
