I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
