at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize