everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
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