It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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