He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
babies were throwing up all over the place
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
