Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
