dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
