She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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