when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
