I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
