I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
