Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
