i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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