I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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