well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
