Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
