If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize