three words: i give head
three words: not that well
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
