That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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