if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
