Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
