one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
