That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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