it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
