You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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