Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
