I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
