Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
