last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
