Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
