If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
