Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just googled if crying burns calories
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
