I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
