i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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