My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
