Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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