You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
