I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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